There is a thank you note that I have been wanting to write for seven months now. I even bought a card, separate from my regular pack of thank you notes, one that was really special and already said some of the things that were in my heart. It’s still sitting in a folder because it’s taken me this long to find adequate words to express my gratitude.
This letter is for the people who were on the front lines for us, ready to defend us against the real world after the death of our baby boy. This letter is for our amazing hospital staff. I decided to write this publicly, because whenever I’ve talked about the experience of losing our son, I’ve ended up talking about our doctor and nurses and how wonderful they were. Especially the first few weeks when everything was hazy and painful and I didn’t know where to start talking, I’d talk about these angels who had watched over us in the hospital those first few days. I know that saying “angels” sounds pretty dramatic, but aren’t angels the people that God sends to us in our darkest hours to hold us up?
So, to my angels.
I would love to name each of you and tell the world exactly what you did for me, but the truth is I spent a lot of that time drugged and blurry eyed and everything kind of runs together. But I can say that from the time that we learned that our baby had no heartbeat to the time we left the hospital, and even since then, you held our hands and carried our sorrow with us. You cried almost as hard as we cried. You took pictures for us that we will have as priceless treasures to remember our Robbie. You knew exactly when we needed a hug. You pulled up chairs and talked like we had been lifelong friends. I couldn’t believe in the short time we had been there that I got to know many of you and felt as though I’d known you my whole life. It’s strange to me sometimes to think that in one of the most intimate times of our lives, we were surrounded by strangers, because none of you ever felt that way to me. Recovering from surgery would have been hard enough on its own, but you helped me with the physical healing process, as well as getting us on our way towards emotional healing. You were my first grief counselors. You shared your personal experiences and advice. You empathized with our loss and made me feel like maybe it was going to be possible to survive and to keep being a mother despite the enormous hole in my heart.
Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done is to let my little baby’s body be taken away from me, even though I knew his spirit had already left. Nothing about that was easy, but I knew that you would treat his body with the utmost reverence and care, and that helped me to let go. You treated Robbie as an individual and recognized him as part of our family. You gave us the answers we needed in the kindest and gentlest way possible. You anticipated our needs and gave us the perfect amount of privacy and attention. I honestly never wanted to leave.
Even after we went home, you continued to check on us and be"on call" if I needed to talk or needed medical advice. I have looked forward to my doctor appointments and every time I have come home telling everyone I talk to how amazing you are.
Josh and I have been wanting to sell our house and move for years now, but I sincerely believe that God has kept us where we are in a large part because of Robbie’s birth. Because of where we live, we had neighbors who could come in the middle of the night to watch our kids, parents who could be with us immediately, and we had you. I believe that God put each one of you in our path. You helped us take the hardest experience of our lives and turn it into something sacred. I feel blessed to still be in contact with a few of you. I know that your jobs are not easy, but I hope you always remember how important you are and how much you have touched our lives.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
I am what I eat
I have a love/hate relationship with blogs. I can never keep up with one myself, and I don't often read others. I enjoy a blog if it is original, funny, touching, inspiring but not preachy. I feel like blogs have become so trendy and commercialized that I've shied away from the idea of having one. I also feel like social media has made people forget that some experiences can or maybe even should be kept private or shared only with those we are close to. It's hard to draw a line between intimacy and openness.
I love to write, but I don't do it often enough. But I have been thinking a lot since I lost my baby Robbie. I have been searching for ways to use the talents that God has blessed me with to help others. I would like to learn new talents, such as crocheting so that I can make blankets for babies who are born still like mine. But for now, I have to work with what I have. I've also been looking for ways to make my life more meaningful. To really consider what I love to do and cut out time to do those things. I've printed out piano music with the intention of learning new songs to play at church, but haven't got around to practicing yet. I do feel that writing is a talent of mine and something I enjoy doing. I think it's pretentious to assume that I can advise anyone else on how to live their lives since I can barely figure out my own. However, a few weeks after I lost Robbie, a dear cousin sent me a blog post by someone who is now one of my favorite artists and writers. It put words to the feelings I had inside of me that I didn't know how to express. So I've been thinking, if my words could have even a fraction of impact to someone else that those words had on me, they are worth sharing. And if nobody ever even reads this blog, it's still cathartic for me to write and is getting me back in the habit of doing something that I love.
I had a discussion recently with my kids about donuts, or more specifically donut holes. Donuts are a favorite in our house, especially Miles'. When Josh takes him to the donut store, they usually come back with an assortment including a few donut holes. (These are especially useful when Miles has already had two or three full size donuts but just needs ONE MORE.) The kids were confused about why they are called donut holes if they're not really the inside of the donut. And I mean really, whose idea was that anyway? Why would someone think to make a delicious dessert that's missing its inside, and someone else think to recreate that missing part and sell it separately?
For almost four months now, I have been living with part of myself missing. A big hole right in my heart. Today I've been thinking about how I alternate living as myself, with a missing piece, and being totally consumed by that missing part. When I'm myself, I'm okay. I function, I get up in the mornings, I take care of my kids, I cook dinner, I do the things that I've always done. But I always have this feeling of absence. It's like when you leave for vacation and you check your bags an extra time because you have that feeling that you've left behind something important. The first few weeks after Robbie died, I was in such a foggy, confused state. I would drift off in the middle of a sentence and it would not come back to me. I tried to write down as many things as I could so that I wouldn't forget them later. I told Josh one night, "I just feel like I'm missing something." And of course, I was missing a huge thing. I was missing SOMEONE. The fog has dissipated somewhat, and I can complete my sentences now, even though I am and always will be absent minded at times. But I still have that feeling of being incomplete.
Other times, I live inside of that dark, empty space. I am the hole and the hole is me. These times don't usually last very long, because I have to be a functioning human. But when I let the emptiness suck me in, I feel like I could just stay there forever. I cry and I sob and I pray to God to get me through it, but at the same time I LOVE it because I'm feeling something. The intensity of the pain is as intense as my love for my baby that I will never hold again in this life. It feels wrong to be able to go about my life without him but the pain feels right. It feels like active mourning. People have told me, "It will get better" and that thought scares the hell out of me. I don't want being without my baby to ever come easy to me.
So the big question is, how do I ever reconcile these two parts of myself? How do I rejoice fully in the children I am blessed to have with me, while at the same time remembering and missing the one who I held for such a short time? I know that I will never be "put back together" the same way again. I can only hope that the part of me that is still here will become stronger. That I will be able to honor my baby's memory while going forward in my life.
I heard a comedian say "I hate it when people say 'yeah I'm just taking it a day at a time'... uhhh yeah so is everybody else because THAT'S HOW TIME WORKS. That is the only way to TAKE TIME". Honestly I can't even say that I'm doing that because my perspective can change 500 times throughout one day. Fine one second and falling apart the next. For now I guess I will just accept myself and all the feelings I'm going through. "Self compassion", as my counselor says.
Obviously I don't have the answers, therefore I don't have a clear conclusion to this post. I will just end with a quote from the blog I referenced before.
"Wishing a grieving mother's heart will be healed doesn't mean wishing she will pick up all her broken pieces, put a smile on and try to be exactly who she once was. Eternity is about becoming the woman she most desires to be. Heaven has touched her, and heaven has claimed her heart when it received an angel from her. Her life, her being, will never go back to what it was before. She will forever be a mom loving her angel."
I love to write, but I don't do it often enough. But I have been thinking a lot since I lost my baby Robbie. I have been searching for ways to use the talents that God has blessed me with to help others. I would like to learn new talents, such as crocheting so that I can make blankets for babies who are born still like mine. But for now, I have to work with what I have. I've also been looking for ways to make my life more meaningful. To really consider what I love to do and cut out time to do those things. I've printed out piano music with the intention of learning new songs to play at church, but haven't got around to practicing yet. I do feel that writing is a talent of mine and something I enjoy doing. I think it's pretentious to assume that I can advise anyone else on how to live their lives since I can barely figure out my own. However, a few weeks after I lost Robbie, a dear cousin sent me a blog post by someone who is now one of my favorite artists and writers. It put words to the feelings I had inside of me that I didn't know how to express. So I've been thinking, if my words could have even a fraction of impact to someone else that those words had on me, they are worth sharing. And if nobody ever even reads this blog, it's still cathartic for me to write and is getting me back in the habit of doing something that I love.
I had a discussion recently with my kids about donuts, or more specifically donut holes. Donuts are a favorite in our house, especially Miles'. When Josh takes him to the donut store, they usually come back with an assortment including a few donut holes. (These are especially useful when Miles has already had two or three full size donuts but just needs ONE MORE.) The kids were confused about why they are called donut holes if they're not really the inside of the donut. And I mean really, whose idea was that anyway? Why would someone think to make a delicious dessert that's missing its inside, and someone else think to recreate that missing part and sell it separately?
For almost four months now, I have been living with part of myself missing. A big hole right in my heart. Today I've been thinking about how I alternate living as myself, with a missing piece, and being totally consumed by that missing part. When I'm myself, I'm okay. I function, I get up in the mornings, I take care of my kids, I cook dinner, I do the things that I've always done. But I always have this feeling of absence. It's like when you leave for vacation and you check your bags an extra time because you have that feeling that you've left behind something important. The first few weeks after Robbie died, I was in such a foggy, confused state. I would drift off in the middle of a sentence and it would not come back to me. I tried to write down as many things as I could so that I wouldn't forget them later. I told Josh one night, "I just feel like I'm missing something." And of course, I was missing a huge thing. I was missing SOMEONE. The fog has dissipated somewhat, and I can complete my sentences now, even though I am and always will be absent minded at times. But I still have that feeling of being incomplete.
Other times, I live inside of that dark, empty space. I am the hole and the hole is me. These times don't usually last very long, because I have to be a functioning human. But when I let the emptiness suck me in, I feel like I could just stay there forever. I cry and I sob and I pray to God to get me through it, but at the same time I LOVE it because I'm feeling something. The intensity of the pain is as intense as my love for my baby that I will never hold again in this life. It feels wrong to be able to go about my life without him but the pain feels right. It feels like active mourning. People have told me, "It will get better" and that thought scares the hell out of me. I don't want being without my baby to ever come easy to me.
So the big question is, how do I ever reconcile these two parts of myself? How do I rejoice fully in the children I am blessed to have with me, while at the same time remembering and missing the one who I held for such a short time? I know that I will never be "put back together" the same way again. I can only hope that the part of me that is still here will become stronger. That I will be able to honor my baby's memory while going forward in my life.
I heard a comedian say "I hate it when people say 'yeah I'm just taking it a day at a time'... uhhh yeah so is everybody else because THAT'S HOW TIME WORKS. That is the only way to TAKE TIME". Honestly I can't even say that I'm doing that because my perspective can change 500 times throughout one day. Fine one second and falling apart the next. For now I guess I will just accept myself and all the feelings I'm going through. "Self compassion", as my counselor says.
Obviously I don't have the answers, therefore I don't have a clear conclusion to this post. I will just end with a quote from the blog I referenced before.
"Wishing a grieving mother's heart will be healed doesn't mean wishing she will pick up all her broken pieces, put a smile on and try to be exactly who she once was. Eternity is about becoming the woman she most desires to be. Heaven has touched her, and heaven has claimed her heart when it received an angel from her. Her life, her being, will never go back to what it was before. She will forever be a mom loving her angel."
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Sick baby
Callie has had a cold for the past few days. I took her to the doctor because she had a fever, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't an infection. It's just a virus, though, so we have to wait it out (so much easier said than done). As pitiful as it is to hear her coughing so much, I'm glad that she still has the ability to do so. I know that may not always be the case. It's weird to be so miserable and so thankful at the same time.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Exciting times
I bet you probably thought I was never going to blog again, didn't you? Honestly, so did I! But my brain is overloaded these days, and Facebook doesn't always seem like the best place to share my excess thoughts. I would love to get in the habit of writing, either on here or in a personal journal. I've realized that I'm never going to be perfect at it, but I guess writing once in a blue moon is better than never.
So the big news for the Isenhour family is that we are expecting a new baby in September! It seems like there is another baby boom coming, and I'm really excited! I have 2 good friends from high school that are expecting within a week or two of me, at least two cousins that are due around the same time, and it seems like I hear about someone else who is pregnant every day! That means our new baby will have lots of friends the same age!
This is the first day of my second trimester! Woohoo! Even though I've seen the little bean on the ultrasound and heard the baby's heartbeat, I'm still in that surreal phase where I have to keep telling myself that I'm really pregnant. I don't think that really changed when I was pregnant with Callie until I had felt her move and found out she was a girl. That is not to say that my body isn't reminding me every minute that I'm pregnant. It is.
I've had friends tell me how different it is to be pregnant with your second (or third, or fourth) child, and I knew it would be, but I'm still surprised about how true it is. With my first pregnancy, there was this sense of urgency and impatience that was almost painful. I read my What to Expect book every week to see what was going on with the baby and what came next. I couldn't wait for my doctor's appointments, and I cried most of the day when we had to reschedule our anatomy ultrasound. Now, like I said, I know I'm pregnant, but it's kind of at the back of my mind. Callie is my first priority in everything that I think and do. I realize how little time she has left as an only child, and I just want to take advantage of this time, instead of trying to rush it. I'm sure once I get big and uncomfortable I will be wishing for the time to go by faster, but right now I'm kind of enjoying taking it a day at a time.
I am so thankful to have another opportunity to bring life into this world. It is a miracle and a gift, one that not everyone is able to have in this life. I consider myself very blessed to have a beautiful, healthy daughter and to have another child on the way. I have also been blessed with a really easy pregnancy this time. My first pregnancy was normal, and although I had morning sickness, it wasn't at the same level as most women I know. This time, I haven't had any. I was so worried that I would have a hard time taking care of Callie if I was sick, and I am grateful every day that morning sickness hasn't been an issue.
That being said, I have realized that I will never be one of those people who can say that I enjoy being pregnant or even that I don't mind it. I don't like it at all. When I was pregnant with Callie, even through the sickness, I was propelled by this high of knowing that I was going to have A BABY! I remember Josh telling me that he thought I seemed happier than I had our whole marriage. That happiness is still there now, under the surface, but it's not as prominent as it was last time. I already have my baby in front of my eyes, and she makes my life feel complete, even though I know I will love this new baby too. Maybe when my hormones are a little more under control (they ARE supposed to even out in the second trimester, right?) I will have a more positive attitude... but for now, let me tell you that pregnancy sucks. Mostly in the physical aspect, but also in the emotional aspect, because as I mentioned, the hormones are out of control. I would list all the things that make pregnancy feel miserable, but if you have children, you've already been there and know all about it (unless you're one of those who say you love pregnancy, in which case, please don't ever mention it to me). If you haven't had children, you probably don't want to hear about every little thing that is affecting every part of my body. Some things should probably just be written down in a journal, if written at all.
One thing that I've noticed is how pregnancy is all about extremes. I won't even feel like I have to pee, but then all of a sudden, my bladder feels so full that I am afraid to sneeze before I can get to the bathroom. I go from feeling like I don't need to eat yet, to feeling like I am going to pass out or throw up if I don't eat immediately. Yesterday, I was in the process of getting a bowl of cereal when I started dry heaving because I was so hungry and my mouth was so dry. One thing that is new for me with this pregnancy is being hungry almost all the time. I didn't have an appetite the first couple of weeks, but it is back in full force. I feel like I can relate very well to one of Callie's favorite books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. If anyone is unfamiliar with this book, the caterpillar eats one thing, is still hungry, eats two things, is still hungry... and so on and so on until he just gorges himself and gets sick. That is basically my life. The doctors and books say that instead of eating three meals like usual, you should eat six mini-meals... but the only time I feel not hungry is when I eat a full meal. I am just going to have to start stuffing more of those in to my day.
The other most noticeable extreme is emotional. I wish I could compare my moods to a roller coaster, but that would imply at least some sort of gradual change. The Drop Zone would be a much better metaphor, because it goes from high to low in about .72346 seconds. Like those other symptoms, I don't even see it coming. Thankfully it seems to have eased off a little bit this week, but that could also be because we've had a lot more sun than in past weeks. Pregnancy and winter do not mix very well.
I also wanted to mention how great Josh has been through all of my ups and downs so far! Although he can't really empathize, he hasn't once complained about my complaining... and if you lived with me, you'd realize what a task that is! When Callie is whiny, it drives me insane so quickly that I wonder how Josh puts up with both of us sometimes. He doesn't say a thing when he comes home and Callie and I are laying in bed watching Blue's Clues, the house looking as messy as it did when he left. I remember reading somewhere not to ever expect your husband to have the same sympathy he did for you in your first pregnancy, but Josh has been pretty good so far.
Well that's about all I've got in me for now. Hopefully I will follow up soon with more of what's been going on in our lives, because, of course, not everything revolves around me :)
If you haven't seen it, here is the video that Josh made to announce the new baby:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OnwtSL3NuU&sns=em
So the big news for the Isenhour family is that we are expecting a new baby in September! It seems like there is another baby boom coming, and I'm really excited! I have 2 good friends from high school that are expecting within a week or two of me, at least two cousins that are due around the same time, and it seems like I hear about someone else who is pregnant every day! That means our new baby will have lots of friends the same age!
This is the first day of my second trimester! Woohoo! Even though I've seen the little bean on the ultrasound and heard the baby's heartbeat, I'm still in that surreal phase where I have to keep telling myself that I'm really pregnant. I don't think that really changed when I was pregnant with Callie until I had felt her move and found out she was a girl. That is not to say that my body isn't reminding me every minute that I'm pregnant. It is.
I've had friends tell me how different it is to be pregnant with your second (or third, or fourth) child, and I knew it would be, but I'm still surprised about how true it is. With my first pregnancy, there was this sense of urgency and impatience that was almost painful. I read my What to Expect book every week to see what was going on with the baby and what came next. I couldn't wait for my doctor's appointments, and I cried most of the day when we had to reschedule our anatomy ultrasound. Now, like I said, I know I'm pregnant, but it's kind of at the back of my mind. Callie is my first priority in everything that I think and do. I realize how little time she has left as an only child, and I just want to take advantage of this time, instead of trying to rush it. I'm sure once I get big and uncomfortable I will be wishing for the time to go by faster, but right now I'm kind of enjoying taking it a day at a time.
I am so thankful to have another opportunity to bring life into this world. It is a miracle and a gift, one that not everyone is able to have in this life. I consider myself very blessed to have a beautiful, healthy daughter and to have another child on the way. I have also been blessed with a really easy pregnancy this time. My first pregnancy was normal, and although I had morning sickness, it wasn't at the same level as most women I know. This time, I haven't had any. I was so worried that I would have a hard time taking care of Callie if I was sick, and I am grateful every day that morning sickness hasn't been an issue.
That being said, I have realized that I will never be one of those people who can say that I enjoy being pregnant or even that I don't mind it. I don't like it at all. When I was pregnant with Callie, even through the sickness, I was propelled by this high of knowing that I was going to have A BABY! I remember Josh telling me that he thought I seemed happier than I had our whole marriage. That happiness is still there now, under the surface, but it's not as prominent as it was last time. I already have my baby in front of my eyes, and she makes my life feel complete, even though I know I will love this new baby too. Maybe when my hormones are a little more under control (they ARE supposed to even out in the second trimester, right?) I will have a more positive attitude... but for now, let me tell you that pregnancy sucks. Mostly in the physical aspect, but also in the emotional aspect, because as I mentioned, the hormones are out of control. I would list all the things that make pregnancy feel miserable, but if you have children, you've already been there and know all about it (unless you're one of those who say you love pregnancy, in which case, please don't ever mention it to me). If you haven't had children, you probably don't want to hear about every little thing that is affecting every part of my body. Some things should probably just be written down in a journal, if written at all.
One thing that I've noticed is how pregnancy is all about extremes. I won't even feel like I have to pee, but then all of a sudden, my bladder feels so full that I am afraid to sneeze before I can get to the bathroom. I go from feeling like I don't need to eat yet, to feeling like I am going to pass out or throw up if I don't eat immediately. Yesterday, I was in the process of getting a bowl of cereal when I started dry heaving because I was so hungry and my mouth was so dry. One thing that is new for me with this pregnancy is being hungry almost all the time. I didn't have an appetite the first couple of weeks, but it is back in full force. I feel like I can relate very well to one of Callie's favorite books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. If anyone is unfamiliar with this book, the caterpillar eats one thing, is still hungry, eats two things, is still hungry... and so on and so on until he just gorges himself and gets sick. That is basically my life. The doctors and books say that instead of eating three meals like usual, you should eat six mini-meals... but the only time I feel not hungry is when I eat a full meal. I am just going to have to start stuffing more of those in to my day.
The other most noticeable extreme is emotional. I wish I could compare my moods to a roller coaster, but that would imply at least some sort of gradual change. The Drop Zone would be a much better metaphor, because it goes from high to low in about .72346 seconds. Like those other symptoms, I don't even see it coming. Thankfully it seems to have eased off a little bit this week, but that could also be because we've had a lot more sun than in past weeks. Pregnancy and winter do not mix very well.
I also wanted to mention how great Josh has been through all of my ups and downs so far! Although he can't really empathize, he hasn't once complained about my complaining... and if you lived with me, you'd realize what a task that is! When Callie is whiny, it drives me insane so quickly that I wonder how Josh puts up with both of us sometimes. He doesn't say a thing when he comes home and Callie and I are laying in bed watching Blue's Clues, the house looking as messy as it did when he left. I remember reading somewhere not to ever expect your husband to have the same sympathy he did for you in your first pregnancy, but Josh has been pretty good so far.
Well that's about all I've got in me for now. Hopefully I will follow up soon with more of what's been going on in our lives, because, of course, not everything revolves around me :)
If you haven't seen it, here is the video that Josh made to announce the new baby:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OnwtSL3NuU&sns=em
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Long story short
This seemed like TMI for Facebook, but It was sort of hilarious and I thought this might be a more proper venue for it...
I almost had the "awkward moment" of having to tell someone that my 2-year-old clogged the toilet at church. I wonder if anyone would have believed me? Luckily the toilet flushed, on like the 5th try.
A word of advice for future reference, if you know your daughter might have a "total body cleanse" at any time, don't dress her in a LONG, layered dress for church!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Good day
Well some awesome things (well, awesome to me at least) happened today and I thought it might be a good time to blog!
It's kind of funny, because it actually started out as the kind of day that I was just hoping to power through and have over with. My head hurt from the get go, and when I wake up with a headache, I usually keep it all day long. And I did, but it got more manageable as the day went on.
Callie, Nana, and I went to Salisbury to eat lunch with Josh. It's a long drive when you have a headache. But we had a good lunch, then went to a little gift store where I had a little bit of store credit that I got around, um, Christmastime. I had just been thinking about what kind of shoes I'm going to get Callie for fall/winter, and then I saw Awesome Thing #1:
How. cute. And they're Robeez! And they were $12! They fit her really well, which means they may or may not fit her in a few months, but if not I can throw them on Ebay or save them for future kids. Or give them to someone if I'm feeling really nice. But probably not. Anyway, I've been excited all day picturing her wearing them with leggings!
Then I found a necklace for me, which I bought on impulse, and now I'm not quite so sure if it's as cute as I thought at first, but I didn't have to pay anything, so oh well.
Callie hasn't taken a nap all week, and she fell asleep on the way home from Salisbury! That would be Awesome Thing #2. I took a power nap thinking it might help my head. It didn't, but I did feel a little more energetic afterwards.
After naptime, I made stuffed shells for dinner, then realized that none of us were really hungry because we'd had a big lunch. So I just put it in the fridge and figured if we didn't get hungry we could just take it to someone tomorrow.
Since I wasn't too hungry and figured Callie wasn't either, I grabbed her a GoGurt and some blueberries and headed to the mall. (My friend is having a lingerie shower tomorrow and I've been meaning to shop for it all week.) If you were wondering, the mall is not a good place to teach your kid how to eat Gogurt. She's had it before, but not since she was younger, so she's never fed it to herself, and she just kept handing it to me for help. Which would be fine if I wasn't trying to push the stroller and look for cute lingerie. Which was harder to find than I thought.
Well, I finally found something cute at Body Central, and then I found two cute necklaces on the $1.99 clearance rack! And one of them rang up $.99! I guess that could be considered Awesome Thing #3.
I had to go to GameStop (on the other side of the mall) for Josh, which I didn't really want to do, but he went to the grocery store for me so I figured it was a fair trade. And I was really glad I did because that's when the Big Awesome Thing happened! I saw a little girl zipping around in a motorized wheelchair, but I didn't want to stare or anything, and it was too crowded to stop and talk to her, so I just kept walking. And then I heard someone calling me, and it was the little girl's mom! I was wearing the GSF "Never Give Up" shirt, and she noticed it and asked if it was an SMA shirt! And I said yes, and she asked if Callie had SMA, and I said yes, and I asked if her daughter had SMA, and she said yes! And we stood there and talked for like 15 minutes! It turns out that Callie's physical therapist also used to work with this little girl, who is 9. It was so exciting to meet someone else with SMA. I knew there are programs that will set you up with other parents of children with disabilities, but I have still been a little hesitant to try it. But it was really cool just meeting someone randomly like that. Josh said I need a new GSF shirt for every day of the week, so I can make new friends everywhere I go.
This might be a good place for a GSF plug... I just looked at their website again and they have a lot of cute new shirts and stuff. I'm getting everyone stuff from there for Christmas.
I am what you might call a shy person, at least in the fact that I don't go out of my way to talk to strangers. A lot of times I want to, but I just feel too awkward or anxious. I am so glad this new friend didn't hesitate to call out to me and introduce herself! I'm going to try to take more opportunities to meet new people, so that I don't miss out on what could be a great new friendship!
Also, earlier today, a lady at Kohl's came up to me and asked for my fashion advice because she was buying a dress for her granddaughter who was my age. I was so flattered. She held up 3 outfits she was choosing from, and I didn't really love any of them, but Nana and Callie were waiting in the car so I couldn't stay and shop with her, so I just told her to put the sweater on one with the dress from the other. Hope her granddaughter likes it.
We did end up eating the stuffed shells for dinner, around the time that Callie usually goes to bed.
Another Awesome Thing that I'm excited about is that some of our friends are having a fundraiser for Callie in a couple weeks! They're doing a rummage/bake sale and all the proceeds will go to the GSF fundraiser that my friend Jessica has started. I think it will just be a great opportunity to get everyone together and promote SMA awareness. How appropriate that it is SMA awareness month! I am so thankful for the service that these wonderful ladies are providing, and I know they will be blessed for it!
I have been craving a dipped cone from McDonald's all day. I am just too worn out to go, and it's a hard thing to send your husband out for, seeing as it will be halfway melted by the time he gets home. But I just remembered that we have vanilla ice cream, Oreo crumbs, and hot fudge... and that's the last Awesome Thing of the day.
It's kind of funny, because it actually started out as the kind of day that I was just hoping to power through and have over with. My head hurt from the get go, and when I wake up with a headache, I usually keep it all day long. And I did, but it got more manageable as the day went on.
Callie, Nana, and I went to Salisbury to eat lunch with Josh. It's a long drive when you have a headache. But we had a good lunch, then went to a little gift store where I had a little bit of store credit that I got around, um, Christmastime. I had just been thinking about what kind of shoes I'm going to get Callie for fall/winter, and then I saw Awesome Thing #1:
How. cute. And they're Robeez! And they were $12! They fit her really well, which means they may or may not fit her in a few months, but if not I can throw them on Ebay or save them for future kids. Or give them to someone if I'm feeling really nice. But probably not. Anyway, I've been excited all day picturing her wearing them with leggings!
Then I found a necklace for me, which I bought on impulse, and now I'm not quite so sure if it's as cute as I thought at first, but I didn't have to pay anything, so oh well.
Callie hasn't taken a nap all week, and she fell asleep on the way home from Salisbury! That would be Awesome Thing #2. I took a power nap thinking it might help my head. It didn't, but I did feel a little more energetic afterwards.
After naptime, I made stuffed shells for dinner, then realized that none of us were really hungry because we'd had a big lunch. So I just put it in the fridge and figured if we didn't get hungry we could just take it to someone tomorrow.
Since I wasn't too hungry and figured Callie wasn't either, I grabbed her a GoGurt and some blueberries and headed to the mall. (My friend is having a lingerie shower tomorrow and I've been meaning to shop for it all week.) If you were wondering, the mall is not a good place to teach your kid how to eat Gogurt. She's had it before, but not since she was younger, so she's never fed it to herself, and she just kept handing it to me for help. Which would be fine if I wasn't trying to push the stroller and look for cute lingerie. Which was harder to find than I thought.
Well, I finally found something cute at Body Central, and then I found two cute necklaces on the $1.99 clearance rack! And one of them rang up $.99! I guess that could be considered Awesome Thing #3.
I had to go to GameStop (on the other side of the mall) for Josh, which I didn't really want to do, but he went to the grocery store for me so I figured it was a fair trade. And I was really glad I did because that's when the Big Awesome Thing happened! I saw a little girl zipping around in a motorized wheelchair, but I didn't want to stare or anything, and it was too crowded to stop and talk to her, so I just kept walking. And then I heard someone calling me, and it was the little girl's mom! I was wearing the GSF "Never Give Up" shirt, and she noticed it and asked if it was an SMA shirt! And I said yes, and she asked if Callie had SMA, and I said yes, and I asked if her daughter had SMA, and she said yes! And we stood there and talked for like 15 minutes! It turns out that Callie's physical therapist also used to work with this little girl, who is 9. It was so exciting to meet someone else with SMA. I knew there are programs that will set you up with other parents of children with disabilities, but I have still been a little hesitant to try it. But it was really cool just meeting someone randomly like that. Josh said I need a new GSF shirt for every day of the week, so I can make new friends everywhere I go.
This might be a good place for a GSF plug... I just looked at their website again and they have a lot of cute new shirts and stuff. I'm getting everyone stuff from there for Christmas.
I am what you might call a shy person, at least in the fact that I don't go out of my way to talk to strangers. A lot of times I want to, but I just feel too awkward or anxious. I am so glad this new friend didn't hesitate to call out to me and introduce herself! I'm going to try to take more opportunities to meet new people, so that I don't miss out on what could be a great new friendship!
Also, earlier today, a lady at Kohl's came up to me and asked for my fashion advice because she was buying a dress for her granddaughter who was my age. I was so flattered. She held up 3 outfits she was choosing from, and I didn't really love any of them, but Nana and Callie were waiting in the car so I couldn't stay and shop with her, so I just told her to put the sweater on one with the dress from the other. Hope her granddaughter likes it.
We did end up eating the stuffed shells for dinner, around the time that Callie usually goes to bed.
Another Awesome Thing that I'm excited about is that some of our friends are having a fundraiser for Callie in a couple weeks! They're doing a rummage/bake sale and all the proceeds will go to the GSF fundraiser that my friend Jessica has started. I think it will just be a great opportunity to get everyone together and promote SMA awareness. How appropriate that it is SMA awareness month! I am so thankful for the service that these wonderful ladies are providing, and I know they will be blessed for it!
I have been craving a dipped cone from McDonald's all day. I am just too worn out to go, and it's a hard thing to send your husband out for, seeing as it will be halfway melted by the time he gets home. But I just remembered that we have vanilla ice cream, Oreo crumbs, and hot fudge... and that's the last Awesome Thing of the day.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Callie is 2!
It is so hard to believe, but Callie's 2nd birthday was last week! I can't believe it's been 2 years since she was born, and almost 3 years since I got pregnant with her! And at the same time, it's like she has always been here. It's a weird thing, parenthood.
We decided not to do a big party, so instead we had a few little family gatherings. A few days before her birthday, we met our cousins, the Applegates, at Sciworks in Winston. I think about every daycare within 100 miles was there that day. We managed to find a few quiet areas and still enjoyed our time there. I'm so glad that Callie has cousins that live close!
The night before her birthday we spend with my family in Mt. Airy. We went to eat Mexican food, and they brought out a sombrero, put whipped cream in Callie's face, and sang to her! Her expression was absolutely priceless. I was afraid she'd freak out, but she just sat there licking her lips. For some reason she looked like a little baby again (maybe because the hat covered up her hair, which makes her look older, I think).
We decided not to do a big party, so instead we had a few little family gatherings. A few days before her birthday, we met our cousins, the Applegates, at Sciworks in Winston. I think about every daycare within 100 miles was there that day. We managed to find a few quiet areas and still enjoyed our time there. I'm so glad that Callie has cousins that live close!
(OK this picture is sort of a lie because it was taken a couple months ago. But it was taken at Sciworks, with the same cousins we went with this time.)
The night before her birthday we spend with my family in Mt. Airy. We went to eat Mexican food, and they brought out a sombrero, put whipped cream in Callie's face, and sang to her! Her expression was absolutely priceless. I was afraid she'd freak out, but she just sat there licking her lips. For some reason she looked like a little baby again (maybe because the hat covered up her hair, which makes her look older, I think).
Sunday was her actual birthday. We went to church, as usual. I was glad that her birthday fell on a Sunday because going to the nursery at church is one of Callie's favorite things to do! She loves her leaders, singing songs, and blowing bubbles. And I love that I can leave her there happily and go to class in peace! On Sunday her teachers gave her a birthday tiara and a couple little treats.
Callie's Isenhour grandparents were in town from Colorado to celebrate her birthday. We had family dinner after church, then cupcakes. She didn't like her candles the night before so we didn't even light them this time. Here are the cupcakes that Nana and I made.
That would be Ming Ming, Callie's favorite thing in the whole word. She didn't really seem to even notice the cupcakes though, to my dismay, since it took a lot to get me to do anything creative. She just picked the candies off. Whatever, I guess. Nana got her a singing Ming Ming doll, which has already eaten through one pack of cheap batteries. I almost died of laughter the first night we were checking it out while Callie was in bed. It will just be standing there talking, then all of a sudden kicks it's leg up and starts "flying" in circles with it's cape flapping in the breeze. It is hilarious. I hope that it will work better with some better batteries, because right now it only growls a little.
Josh's cousin Paige was in town for the weekend, and she took some pictures of Callie and of us. She has recently gotten into photography, and I think she's a natural!
The last day of our celebrations was at our Isenhour grandparent's house. I had told Meme I wasn't planning a party, so she pretty much threw one for that side of the family. We had a huge family dinner, homemade ice cream, and cupcakes. Unfortunately, Callie didn't get a nap that day, so about the time everyone came, she was ready to go home. She was just kind of tired and not her usual peppy self. It was still a lot of fun.
I had more cute cousin pictures to upload but for some reason I'm having a hard time, so here's this cute one of Callie waiting for everyone to get there.
I know I keep saying it, but I can't believe my baby is 2. It's weird to look at pictures and videos of her from even just a few months ago, because she changes so fast. She surprises us every day with new words, expressions, dances, etc. Today she was singing her night night song and says "Night night Ming Ming, night night Tuck, night night Blue, night night Buck." I don't know if she was trying to rhyme but we'll just pretend she was. Another thing she has learned, that I found out today, is the smell of bacon. She's only recently been introduced to bacon (deprived child, I know), and today I was cooking breakfast for Josh, and Callie comes rolling into the kitchen saying "Bacon? Bacon!?" Oops, I hadn't fixed her any... she'd already had breakfast and I figured if she didn't see it she wouldn't want it... wrong.
Every day there's at least one moment when I am just overwhelmed with how beautiful she is. She really is the biggest joy in our life.
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